I hate winning. 

That’s not a statement you hear very often, but let me explain to you what I actually mean.

We’ve all heard the word “purpose”. It’s what gives meaning and depth to real things. One of the hardest parts of living life, I believe, is finding purpose. It’s not given to us. Many search for it, some find it, others don’t. Honestly, looking at purpose, I believe it is something that is built, not found. It is through experiences, challenges, and honest living that you build what is meaningful. 

Take for example attending school. It’s an action that requires choosing a subject and going into depth on it. It takes time and effort to pass. Over the course of 4 years, knowledge is built in a certain area allowing for a student to prepare to work in that industry. One might have to search for the subject that interests them, and once chosen, the knowledge can be learned.

I took a year of pre-med classes before I realized that science and a medical career would not be a good fit for me. So I pivoted. This require me to continue to search for a life that was purposeful to me, something that my pre-med classes had not given me. It was frustrating search that required constant effort and even pushed me to try new things. The thing is you can’t just google “purpose” and choose from the top list of results which will be yours. That’s a quick way to end up dissatisfied and disappointed. You need experience before you can make a decision. You have to try, try, and try again. Do you buy a car before test driving it? You can, but you might soon realize that the feel of the car isn’t for you.

This brings me back to the idea of winning. Now when reading through here the words “success” and “winning” will be used pretty interchangeably, mostly because someone who is deemed as a “winner” would also be considered “success”.

Usually we see those who are “winning” and think that they have this one big purpose that they are chasing. But the reality is that the what we see as their “purpose” we are actually defining by measurable, materialistic things. And that’s the problem – measurable, materialistic things are a much simpler way to measure success. Looking at a number on a checking account is a lot easier than expressing a passion or purpose. Seeing the size of someone’s home is easier than job hopping to something that fits who you are. 

So when I say I hate winning, what I really I hate is the external factors that people use to determine who you are as a person. A depressed millionaire may be deemed a winner, while a happy musician chasing his passion may not because he wears the same clothes he has for the past 5 years. While I can’t change the way that others may view winning or success, I can change the way I view it in my life. 

Ultimately, no one knows what winning in life actually means, it’s all just an idea of being comfortable – measurable statistics that improve life’s comfort. But does comfort really convey a winning attitude? Every athlete, billionaire, and notable successful person I have ever read about, experienced a period of extreme discomfort. Whether that is putting in 80 hour work weeks or waking up at 3am to train, the idea of “winning” doesn’t necessarily mean easy. Hence why winning does not correlate with comfort, or a bank account, or any external factor. 

If it really is necessary to put a label on what winning means, I would have to define it as a sense of personal peace and accomplishment. Simply put, winning is a daily, personal, internal battle. It’s not a lifelong commitment, but a daily struggle. A business is not built in a day, a retirement plan is not funded in a day, and nor are the relationships with people who matter the most in life. It is through the process of daily commitment that those things are built. If you don’t show up, it won’t get done.

When looking at the life, you have to realize that it is not a game where one gets to decide if they are a winner or a loser. Evidence needs to be built by daily action. So, if you really want to win, quit looking at the things that you cannot control, and focus on the daily commitment that you have to complete to become who you want to be.