Growing up isn’t an emotion. It’s a simple process that continues all throughout life. I think that is why getting older can be so confusing. It’s not something that we feel but rather experience. It prides itself on not being able to be articulated. Crazy to think that at my 21 years of life I haven’t really stopped to think about what growing up really feels like. The slow accumulation of responsibilities and stress provoking adult activities that are required don’t demand us to stop or to think, or even to feel; they make us act, they make us stay busy. 

I recently watched a short film rom-com that said something along the lines of growing up and finding home. The main character narrating said that home is where we can be ourselves, hence it would be the place where we can feel the emotions of growing up. This is where I ran into my own personal dilemma. As I have grown up, I haven’t allowed myself to be who I truly am nor have I fully allowed myself to be influenced by the love in my home. I don’t allow myself to sit and truly feel the emotions that are present here. I’m too stuck in the ridiculous process of “growing up” that I can’t even process it.

Every small aspect of this process has blinded me from feeling that is around me daily. My parents love me. I know that. But I don’t allow myself to feel it because I am too worried about getting through this confusing time of trying to figure out who I am, what I want to do, and who I want to be with, when the reality is that I am already right where I want to be. That’s the point that the rom-com ultimately makes. You can run away and travel, trying to find “the place” where you belong, but really, that place is where the people who you love are.

I might not be who I  want to be yet, but I know that I want the people who are around me to be in my life. Family is the constant force that keeps you grounded as you grow up. I know my parents have gone through what I have. My sister has a couple years of experience ahead of me. Why haven’t I let them guide me? It might be true that everyone has their own distinct path they have to go down in order to discover themselves while “growing-up”, but I think we can all agree that the feelings that are present throughout aging are the same. So maybe if we all just stopped to feel the emotions in our lives right now, whether at the age of 12 or 92, we just might recognize that we are all ultimately experiencing the same thing. And as long as you have the people around you who you love, everything will work out.